Wednesday, October 7, 2009
What a month! And you say, “But Dre’ the month just began.” That’s the crazy part! The month just began! As some of you may know from the post on my Twitter and Facebook pages this past weekend God opened the door for me to actually stay with my dad for the first time since my feeble mind was able to store memories. It was very weird at first, but gradually it became easier. It was a short stay, but the time that we spent together really meant a lot to me. My relationship with my dad didn’t really develop until I was 18 and got my own vehicle. I don’t really remember how it all began, but I started driving to see him whenever I could. Before that I have two or three memories of him from my childhood. They were all very weird encounters, at least for me, that left me feeling a since of hope and a since of disappointment all at the same time. One minute I would be on a high because there was a glimpse of what my life could have been like with him in my life and the next minute I felt like I had just missed a layup to win the NBA championship. So close, but no cigar! Over the last 9 years though, the former feeling has been the most common. There has been a since of hope and a powerful understanding of the effect the lack of a father has on a young man who is trying to be a husband and a father himself. This weekend I feel like we had a major breakthrough. For the first time my dad actually got to see me in concert. The next day, even though he didn’t actually say it, I felt him saying that he was proud of me. I could tell that he wanted to say it, but just didn’t know how. I started thinking about how much this situation has not only affected me, but he as well. This is something that he has had to deal with for 27 years. I’m his only child. A son at that. I should be carrying on the name and legacy that he fought so hard to maintain. I should be protected the honor and integrity of something that was passed on to him by my grandfather. But instead the ball got dropped. And it didn’t start with him. Somewhere along the line someone fumbled. Somebody got hit and gave up. I realized this weekend that it is up to me to recover that fumble and continue to run toward the goal. My purpose is to recover what was lost and chase after God’s original plan for my family with reckless abandonment. Ginkies! I think I finally, sort of, almost get it. On Sunday my dad and I sat down and had a long discussion about my family history. As he reared back in his recliner, hands on the top of his head like Heathcliff Huxtable, I could hear and see a since of family pride that had been bestowed upon him by older generations. He went as far back as his paternal and maternal great-grandparents, which are my great-great-grandparents! About a year ago I got the idea to trace my family’s history as well as my wife’s family history. I want my kids to know their history so they can have that same family proud that I saw in my dad’s eyes as he spoke to me. I want them to sit around and listen, eagerly awaiting each word that slips off of my lips as I give them the history of our family. I want them to be blown away as I was when my dad told me my great-great-grandmother lived to be 100 years old and was born into slavery. I’m still blown away not only at the history, but that he knew so much. This weekend opened a door for what I hope will be many more family oriented conversations, as well as conversations about our relationship. One thing that God taught me through everything that happened this weekend was purpose. He made me ask myself a lot of questions and I think I almost, sort of, kind of answered some of them. I’ll share more soon. Thanks for listening!
Friday, September 25, 2009
I am so ready to be focused. Lol. I have so many ideas, dreams, and goals that its hard for me to stay focused on one thing. I know in my heart that if I can grab hold of one thing....lol....then I would go at it full force. Right now I feel like a "Jack of All Trades." My Uncle Sterling used to tell me this all the time when I was younger. I used to try to be good at everything, whether it was being a barber, ironing, a chef, a writer, a producer, an actor, a poet! Whatever the task was I tried to tackle it. The problem was and is I never truly got an understanding of "focus." I never went hard at just one thing. I was and am good at a lot of things, but never have i been great are on focused enough to be great. When I got a full scholarship to play basketball my family was excited. So can you picture my Uncles face when i told him I was quitting to pursue rap. Lol! You know what he did right? Yep....HE TOLD MY MAMMA! Let's just say I got my degree and played all 4 years. I was pretty darn good too, but I never achieved the level of success that everyone expected. The reason was I wasn't focused. I was cheating on basketball with my music. I would rush to pre game shoot around after being at the studio all day recording. Risking being benched on a team that I was suppose to be leading. To make matters worse i blamed my urge to quit basketball on God. I told people it was what God wanted me to do. As I look back on that time I know for a fact that the notion to quit came from the burst of creativity that I was having. I had found some producers who were "next level" at the time and I was perfecting my flow. I had just "re-dedicated my life to God", so I had tons of zeal, but sadly I had little knowledge or experience. But just like everything else my "rap career" has been a journey of unfocusednessness! I made that word up btw. One minute I'm going 100 mph and the next minute i'm in the corner curled up in a fetal position with my thumb in my mouth screaming "HELP!!!!" I go from MIGHTY WARRIOR to scared little boy in a matter of seconds. Its so frustrating to know what you want to do one second and in the next breath completely change your mind. In my life right now I'm praying for focus. Focus to do God's will and to be in His divine plan for my life. Whatever it is I just want to be focus. I turned 28 earlier this month, so my goal is to at least be on the right track by 30. Y'all pray for me!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
It's here! I am finally eligible for an Iphone upgrade at the discounted price. Just got off the phone with a friemd that told me for the 100th time why this purchase just makes sense. I'm excited not only because I want this thing, but also because I need it. It actually will make traveling, video promotion, banking, and a lot of other things much simpler. Let's just pray I don't drop this thing in the water because the Apple protection plan DOESN'T COVER STUPIDITY!
Friday, August 28, 2009
Lately it's been really tugging on my heart. There are people in this world that I have the capability to help and I need to do it. I need to take action. I just feel like I need to do SOMETHING. I'm tired of just sitting on the bench when I should be in the game trying to score. I'm praying I start to see poverty through God's eyes. I want to truly be a part of his mission and his Great Commission. The crazy thing is that poverty isn't even the root of the problem. The problem I see within myself is selfishness, greed, and just a flat out lack of compassion. This has to change. As I stare at the computer I ask myself,"What Am I Doing?"
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
I've finally decided that it's time to be consistent with this thing. I spend so much time writing in notebooks that usually get thrown away. Now is the time to actually put my thoughts out into cyber space (weird!) on a consistent basis. If no one pays attention........I'm cool with that. As long as I can get my thoughts and feelings out I can rest easy. So to whoever is out there......thanks for listening!!!!!!!!