Friday, September 25, 2009
I am so ready to be focused. Lol. I have so many ideas, dreams, and goals that its hard for me to stay focused on one thing. I know in my heart that if I can grab hold of one thing....lol....then I would go at it full force. Right now I feel like a "Jack of All Trades." My Uncle Sterling used to tell me this all the time when I was younger. I used to try to be good at everything, whether it was being a barber, ironing, a chef, a writer, a producer, an actor, a poet! Whatever the task was I tried to tackle it. The problem was and is I never truly got an understanding of "focus." I never went hard at just one thing. I was and am good at a lot of things, but never have i been great are on focused enough to be great. When I got a full scholarship to play basketball my family was excited. So can you picture my Uncles face when i told him I was quitting to pursue rap. Lol! You know what he did right? Yep....HE TOLD MY MAMMA! Let's just say I got my degree and played all 4 years. I was pretty darn good too, but I never achieved the level of success that everyone expected. The reason was I wasn't focused. I was cheating on basketball with my music. I would rush to pre game shoot around after being at the studio all day recording. Risking being benched on a team that I was suppose to be leading. To make matters worse i blamed my urge to quit basketball on God. I told people it was what God wanted me to do. As I look back on that time I know for a fact that the notion to quit came from the burst of creativity that I was having. I had found some producers who were "next level" at the time and I was perfecting my flow. I had just "re-dedicated my life to God", so I had tons of zeal, but sadly I had little knowledge or experience. But just like everything else my "rap career" has been a journey of unfocusednessness! I made that word up btw. One minute I'm going 100 mph and the next minute i'm in the corner curled up in a fetal position with my thumb in my mouth screaming "HELP!!!!" I go from MIGHTY WARRIOR to scared little boy in a matter of seconds. Its so frustrating to know what you want to do one second and in the next breath completely change your mind. In my life right now I'm praying for focus. Focus to do God's will and to be in His divine plan for my life. Whatever it is I just want to be focus. I turned 28 earlier this month, so my goal is to at least be on the right track by 30. Y'all pray for me!